I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
