I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
