sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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