No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
