we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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