Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
