Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
True strength comes from lack of pants
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
