nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
