the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Is it because I queefed?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
