is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
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