I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
