Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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