I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
