I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
