So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
