i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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