My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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