did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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