Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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