My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
