my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
