From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
