All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
