Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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