Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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