After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
