She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
