I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
