when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
