Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
