...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
