I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
