I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
