So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
