Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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