somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
