I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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