I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
