There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
