i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Randomize
