im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
