I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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