Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
