I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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