Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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