So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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