I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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