she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
