my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
