What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
