sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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