i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
