That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
