Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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