I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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