What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
