I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He better not be in your backpack
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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